We are here, there, not here, not there, swirling like specks of dust, claiming for ourselves the rights of the universe. Being important, being nothing, being caught in lives of our own making that we never wanted. Breaking out, trying again, wondering why the past comes with us, wondering how to talk about the past at all. - Jeanette Winterson
I read this quote earlier and just loved all the contradiction in it. I'm finding a lot of comfort in contradiction. I think I always have but the word "contradiction" was always said in ways that made it sound forbidden, dangerous, and dirty. Like the whole world would fall apart if there wasn't one right and one wrong.
Today I had a to do a demo as part of an interview to be a substitute yoga teacher at a local yoga studio. I really value the way I was treated. The woman gently corrected and critiqued me through it. She didn't expect me to be perfect, have all the right answers, or do every pose flawlessly. I was hired. It's a small step, but a step nonetheless. I love how open yoga is and how open theatre is. They exist in this world of contradictions and questions that may or may not have answers.
On another note (and I can't even believe I'm admitting this), but the truth is that facebook is depressing. I think my sister is right in calling it "The Devil's Notebook." Okay, that might be a little harsh. Still, as petty and foolish as this sounds, all the engagement pictures, wedding pictures, and baby pictures of friends and people I went to college and high school with are often the worst part of my facebook homepage experience. Not that I'm not happy for all of my facebook pseudo-friends and not that I'm even sure I want all of those things anytime in the near future, but I'm sure there must be a hint, a dash maybe, of envy? Yuck. I should just cancel my facebook account, but then where would I stalk people?