Saturday, July 31, 2010

Saying Goodbye

I haven't been a very faithful blogger this year. I enjoy it but I journal so much on a regular basis that I'm often burnt out of writing by the time I remember my blog. This year has been so full that I couldn't possibly catch up in one entry. I will probably be processing my Mission Year for the rest of my life. It seems really surreal right now that it is over. I've been dreading this day for weeks, crying practically a few times a day whenever I thought about it. And now, I'm not crying. It doesn't feel real. It feels like just a short break and in two weeks I'm going to go back to my apartment, neighborhood, team, and Mission Year and be back working at Christus, living in community, and having Team Captain meetings. I'm moving back to Pennsauken/Camden area in September but everything will be different. Honestly, I'm afraid. I'm afraid to be there without the physical presence of Mission Year in the Tri-City area. But I hold onto that I'm not going to be there without God. Before going to Mission Year, I prayed David Livingstone's prayer often, "Send me anywhere, only go with me. Lay any burden on me, only sustain me. Sever any ties but the ties that bind me to your service and to your heart." That prayer was a lot easier when I wanted to go anywhere, when I had not understood "burden" because I did not know how to feel much, and when I didn't really feel tied to anything. But God revealed a depth of emotion and feeling in me that I didn't know I had and now it is harder to say goodbye. "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." -Matthew 28:20