Saturday, December 11, 2010

Settling In

"I am the one for whom God waits. I am awaiting the One who is awaiting me. Embrace the season of winter with hope, it is a good teacher. It will lead you to your innermost depths where God is contemplating you."
~ Macrina Wiederkehr

I'm settling in.

I have returned from Guatemala. I wish I had been able to blog while I was there but there just wasn't the space to do that. I also wish that I could explain my time there, but it is about as hard as explaining Mission Year to people. But I'll say this, being in Guatemala completely affirmed my desire to remain in Camden and moved me to officially decide on moving into Camden with my friend, Molly, and her roommate, Jannelle, after Christmas. I have a job in Cherry Hill planning birthday parties for kids that I have been somewhat surprised to find that I really like. I am still pursuing acting and being a working artist and taking voice lessons and circus classes. And I am trying to build deeper relationships with new people who have chosen to make this area home as well. Soon, Molly, Janelle, and I will work on discovering together what it means to love God, build community, love our neighbors, and pursue justice in the context of real life responsibilities. It feels strange sometimes. Sometimes I feel so busy and I'm with people all day, but still have such a sense of loneliness in my heart. But amidst that loneliness, I am also sensing this incredible feeling of strength and power. Strength that comes from somewhere inside but also somehow beyond me. It is my sense of God in the midst of some hard post-Mission Year processing/grieving, but it's really hard to articulate well. The best I can really explain it is, I'm settling in. Settling into where I find myself and where I choose to be. I feel so much more that I can actually put to words, but I am opening myself to God and trusting that even when I don't know what to make of everything I feel or what to do with it, he does.